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  • Mohamed Ghihan Jiffry

Fear: A friend that slows you down or An enemy that helps you grow?

"The biggest pitfall as you make your way through life is impatience. Remember that being impatient is simply a way of punishing yourself. It creates stress, dissatisfaction, and fear."

- Susan Jeffers


Fear is a common human emotion that can be challenging to overcome. Fear is considered as a "negative" quality in a person in many traditions, as it implies that the person is vulnerable. Fear, on the other hand, can play a significant part in boosting an individual's confidence while also preparing them to deal with prospective danger if managed correctly. For our Personal and Development class, we had to read a book, and one that caught my interest was Susan Jeffers' 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.' I was quite eager to begin reading this book because it was my first time reading a self-help manual that could potentially show me a new perspectives of life.


The book I chose ‘Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway’ is a practical self-help manual which focuses on why we struggle with fear and how to overcome our fears by changing our thoughts and behaviors. Most of us view fear as a barrier that prevents us from progressing. We're all thought from a very small age to defend ourselves in various ways when it comes to facing difficult situations but unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all solutions to overcoming fear. The key is to confront and change the perspective of fear that we have within ourselves. But the real truth is that, fear arises anytime and every time we as individuals try to take a risk or try to attempt something new. This problem is not with fear, but with how we think and respond to it. Susan Jeffers explained that in order to overcome our fears, we must first understand them, thus she divided them into three levels and five facts about fear.


Figure 1: Levels of Fear


Figure 2: Truths about Fear


Fear in myself


My main objective in life is to make a reputation for myself and provide everything I can to the people I care about, but I'm slowing down because I fear of not reaching it since I'm constantly hearing individuals tell me that my dream is too big, which causes me to underestimate myself and my capabilities.


Interestingly, after reading this book, I discovered that I had this fear of making decisions since I am prone to considering both positive and negative outcomes of the situation, as well as living up towards other people's opinions. In chapter 3, Susan Jeffers mentions that we must gradually expand our comfort zone by taking small steps of risk on a daily basis as this will only get you prepared for every positive outcome that could take place in our life the very next day and after. Whether we want it or not, we are responsible for the way we feel because we ourselves control our own feelings as it is our responsibility. The author also recommends focusing on the good results, treating any choice as a 'winning choice,' which is also called 'No-Lose decision model'.


Figure 3: No - Lose Model


Lifelong Winning Situation


Many are terrified of making "wrong" decisions; we spend so much time struggling to figure out whether the choices we have and wish to make are right or wrong, after which we reevaluate our decisions over and over again, causing unnecessary pressure to our minds. It is stated that more than 90% of the things we worry about never happen, implying that our negative fears have a less than 10% probability of happening. Susan Jeffers, the author, explains how we can create "no-lose decisions" to utilize possibilities that will always lead to new experiences and learning opportunities, no matter which path we choose. Even though I despised my first work, which involved selling debit and credit cards, I saw it as a win-win situation because I met new individuals on a daily basis who proved to be quite useful even after I left the job. I learned a lot about what is good for me and what isn't.

Final thoughts

This book, overall, was quiet instructive; it teaches you how to take control of your own future. It's a realistic mix of uplifting ideas and practical advice that will help you feel better, encourage you to attempt new things, and help you overcome the fear of failure. I was able to put the author’s words into practice when I pushed my fear aside and pulled my courage together to ask my Team leader if I could take charge of his position during his day off. I was really hesitant to approach him as I had a lot of ‘what if’ questions popping up in my head within a matter of minutes. The 'No - Lose Decision making model' definitely showed me that there are no wrong decisions, but only different outcomes to every situation. The book is suggested for anyone seeking the confidence to overcome their fears of anything, as what we do with our fears is what makes our lives extraordinary.


Never accepting defeat


I still have a long way to go in terms of taking control of my life; I'll confront fears far greater than those I've faced before, but backing away from what I should be doing and regretting the sour aftertaste of fear is something I pledge to never do. As a result, I will continue to read Susan Jeffers' works because her style of writing is easy to understand and has an affect on me.


“Fear keeps us from experiencing life the way we want to experience it. We can’t escape fear. We can only transform it into a companion that will accompany us through all of our exciting adventures.” - Susan Jeffers

Are you looking for more self-help books to help you overcome your fears? Here's a list of some books that could be useful:

  1. Fear is the Mind Killer by James Mannion

  2. The Confidence Gap: A Guide To Overcoming Fear And Self-Doubt by Russ Harris

  3. Stop Avoiding Stuff: 25 Microskills to Face Your Fears and Do It Anyway by Matthew S. Boone


References

Jeffers, S. (1987) Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. Pennsylvania: Schiffer.


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